Alone and Loneliness

A newspaper (The FT) reporter who lives in Chicago USA wrote a long and interesting article which I read this morning, on the topic of loneliness.

When I read the article by Claire Bushey there were only half a dozen comments but later in the day these had increased to several dozen.

A point from her otherwise excellent article, with which I disagreed however, is that about marriage. She apparently is still waiting for the perfect man, signifying perhaps if my interpretation is correct, that men she has met so far, are wimps or otherwise imperfect. 

One FT commentator however I think put her right about this saying:

" Marriage requires compromise. The initial compromise is that your partner will not live up to the expectations you have and you most likely will not live up to theirs. The trick is to do your best regardless...and enjoy the imperfections of your partner with the things that make them special."

I believe that the main point of her article though, was how common loneliness appears to be these days. She is probably correct in making that observation, though this is partly caused by C21 life. For example roads probably in Chicago and definitely in London, are crowded often with cars driven by drivers alone. Cars are generally necessary features of life these days but they are really bubbles encompassing the drivers and separating them from other people except for the occasional hoot of frustration at others driving standards or more often, perceived lack of them

Attending boarding school has a large number of disadvantages especially for those starting at a young age below their teen years. On the other hand one of the advantages can be that of becoming accomplished at finding ways of being alone.  

Thus to avoid the boys however friendly they were, one  had to eat, play sport, study and generally  live with 24/7,  was often not easy. Probably for many at that kind of school, loneliness is/was not an issue at all - quite the reverse in fact. Such is not universal but pretty  common in my view, judging from old boys from my Beaumont year who are still in touch. 

Still long since closed  Beaumont College, was an all boys' boarding school and this single sex nature could well have made a significant difference to issues of loneliness.

In adult life though walking alone say on Wimbledon Common, is ironically restful, enables one to collect one's thoughts and contemplate life. Interestingly more people in adult life ask one to accompany them in such strolls, than was  the case in  younger years - mine anyway. 

Of course the knowledge and company of others can and does add enormously to one's own knowledge and experiences. For example perhaps the most fulfilling cycle ride I have ever undertaken was that from Wimbledon to the Sussex coast see Shoreham-by-Sea  and this was with the father of a friend of maytrees max who invited me to join him after watching some of the post-Olympic cycling through Wimbledon Village.

Being human however does generally mean being part of the community though  the anchorite Julian of Norwich fulfilled herself in living alone - a remarkable life. Charity and charitable work must  for most people, involve others and the community.